We were on our way to Atlanta, traveling through the majestic rolling mountains of Western North Carolina. As we got settled into the drive, with the music gently drifting our thoughts to the future and the past, I asked my mom, “What do you think we can do about the Pequots?”
I was referring to a recent acquisition of a casino by the Pequot Nation in San Juan, Puerto Rico. The Taino women’s circle I was in, was livid with the idea of the Pequot Nation staking claim to land in Puerto Rico, with one of the grandmas in particular, on a rampage to do something — anything to prevent a transaction that had already happened.
My mom took a deep breath and suggested that we, the Taino women’s circle, do something like a Summit where all the Taino leaders come together in a show of force to address the issue. The spirit of the Summit was not to ”take down” the Pequots, but rather, to pressure the Pequots to acknowledge our Taino existence.
I thought the suggestion was fabulous. We needed a name though. What could we call something like that? After going back and forth for a while, my mom came up with it — Taino Leadership Summit. I was like, that’s it!
It was one of the swiftest road trips we ever took to Atlanta. Me, excited to share the news with the Taino women’s circle that night, and she, excited to have a procedure that was hard fought for.
When we got to the hotel, Mom relaxed on the bed, while I started up the Zoom meeting with the Taino women’s circle and pitched the idea.
The young women loved it — one of the grandmothers was spittin’ fire about the Pequots, and was saying things like, “I remember when they all lived in trailers and now they are millionaires and think they can do whatever they want.” That one grandma in the Taino women’s circle was less amicable to the idea. “Many attempts at unity have been made and all have failed,” she said, while viscerally expressing her disapproval. I responded to her disapproval with, “Different people at a different time — let’s do it.”
One of the young women in the Taino women’s circle shared that Taino unity was “her dream” and she had this “idea” too. According to her, she had brought the “idea” to her “cacike” who poo-pooed it and waved her off, dismissing her vision.
We decided to make it happen and set the date for the Summit to nine days from the meeting we had that night. Little did I know at the time, the depth of truths that were about to be revealed.
The intent of the Summit was to bring global awareness of Taino existence and to legitimize us as a community, a nation of people. A live, tangible, event of authentic Taino leaders doing the work to elevate Taino existence, thus countering the narrative that Taino peoples are extinct.
Over the next eight days, which went into nights, the young woman and I (she will henceforth be known as Precious), poured over organizing the Summit. It was to be online due to the fact that many people participating were from different islands in the Caribbean and scattered amongst the diaspora.
We labored for hours, sometimes working 18-hour days to set up the flow, the participants, the emails — everything that goes into creating a Summit in nine days, in which the intent is to bring a strong representation of Taino existence to the world.
Then the chaos hit the fan.
One of the grandmothers (who will henceforth be known as Chaos Grandma) from the Taino women’s circle decided it was a good idea a couple of days before the Summit to call the shots and dictate what we were to do and not do. Precious, who had just started walking with that grandma bowed to her every whim, and I, who had been walking with Chaos Grandma for a few years, pushed back knowing that every time Chaos Grandma imposed her will, it set us back a day, sometimes three. Then came the rogue wave— a last minute entry to the speakers list from one of the women in the Taino women’s circle (who will henceforth be known as Drementa) who had not offered any contributions to the Summit until the last minute entry.
I hadn’t heard the man’s name (who Drementa suggested), and looked him up online. Since Precious and I made a boundary to not platform any 501c3 Taino clubs in the Summit, the moment Precious and I saw he was non-profit he was automatically a no. That should have been the end of that, but with a little more digging into his website, I found the worst part of it all. On the board of that Taino enthusiast club were photos of what appeared to be two non-Taino’s in full pan-Indian cosplay complete with Taino names.
Oh no. That was a no-fucking-way from me. I haven’t worked all these years to bring awareness to the harm of Pretendindians to platform a Pretendindian. I am known for ruthlessly calling out cultural appropriation online. I literally teach a NCBTMB 3 CE ethics class that I created called “Cultural Appropriation.”
There’s no way we can platform that organization, it was bad enough we were already platforming an alledged sexual predator (which I was very much against). Unfortunately, the grandmother who distanced herself from him, knew she could also use him not only because of his position in the Taino world and relations. Because he knows if she ever decided to let that dirt go public, it would ruin him. So he, like many, had little choice but to show up at an event knowing that said grandmother would wipe the town with his shenanigans if he declined her invitation.
Manipulation and betrayal
I put my foot down, BASTA! We are not going to platform an organization that has Pretendindians on their leadership board. The harsh attack from Drementa began immediately. First it was in the FB messenger chat with me getting ambushed on all sides for being “selfish” and not “being Taino.” When I clapped back, I became the villain and was told I wasn’t being “inclusive” and should not be so “egotistical.”
Drementa became the main instigator of the attack, she, a “sister” in the Taino women’s circle, becoming more vicious with each comment. In due diligence, I screenshot the photos of the Pretendindians and sent them to a Pretendindian group to vet.
The Indians in the expose fake indians group, expressed with great passion how the guy in the photo is not only a Pretendindian, he’s also a lot of things that are concerning on multiple levels. I reported back my findings to the fb chat group and was ruthlessly assualted beyond comprehension.
Ultimately, we agreed to disagree and continued on with the Summit.
During the Summit I was the Director, Tech Support, Producer, and Level-Headed-Truth-Teller of how to run an online event.
The Summit itself was a beautiful disaster. The Spanish translator Precious organized, and paid for, didn’t actually know how to translate on the fly. A painful amount of time passed before I finally convinced Precious to pull the translator.
Time was of the essence and replacing the translator was more of a liability than an actual benefit to the event. I started to get chastized on my phone to put in another translator- with a firm no from me, we continued on with everyone speaking freely in the language of their native tongue.
For a while there it was beautiful- I began to trust Precious and her facilitation until Chaos Grandma hijacked the Summit.
Suddenly, a 90 minute event turned into three hours. I pleaded with Precious to reel it in and she looked like she never stood up for anything in her life.
By the three hour mark- I knew I had to do something. Around that time, my step-son’s girlfriend’s parents came by the room I was in to meet me for the first time. I had missed my step-son’s college graduation for the Summit, and had to direct the Summit in a conference room in the lobby of the apartment building my step-son lived in. I was told by Chaos Grandma that ”to be a real Taino I needed to sacrifice some things,” and missing my step-son’s college graduation was somehow a way to prove my Tainoness to her. I rushed out of the conference room to meet them when I saw them outside the window with my husband. The door locked behind me as Chaos Grandma held court. In a panic, we finally got the door open after what seemed like an eternity and Chaos Grandma was STILL talking. The looks on everyone’s face spoke volumes.
I sat back down, and waited for a moment to jump in. Precious looked like she had given up the mic and everyone looked like they were trapped in a box with Chaos Grandma gleefully taking advantage of her captive audience.
The moment came and I jumped in. Thank you all for being here! We appreciate you and with all the words of closing, wrapped that beautiful disaster of a Summit in a swift swoop.
Shortly after, chaos grandmother, Precious, and I got on a call. Immediately Chaos Grandma started telling us what was wrong with the Summit and what we did wrong in particular.
I had enough at that point and dipped out of the call to be with my family.
That night, I woke up out of a deep sleep with my ancestors screaming in my ears — CHANGE ALL YOUR PASSWORDS!!!
One of the things I was encouraged to do was to give my Zoom password, my Gmail password, and my Eventbrite password to Precious so she can have access to all the things, “just in case something happened to me.”
I obliged and thankfully my ancestors have my back, cuz in the next a.m., I woke to a flurry of texts asking for the emails, while also, bizarrely, attacking me again for not platforming the Pretendindian.
Back and forth the text fight with Precious went- she refused to honor the work I do, and I was unwilling to bend in my convictions. That text fight went all day, until I finally blocked her.
Then the attacks appeared on the Taino leadership Summit FB page. Precious tried to remove me from a page I created. She even removed the Taino Leadership Summit’s website to put up her own competing website.
I removed her from the page and corrected her harm, grateful to my ancestors for waking me up in the depth of night to protect myself before the takeover attempt was able to take hold.
It was at least three days after the Summit that Chaos Grandma finally called. By that time I was so pent up with emotion I was spitting fire. For 45 minutes I screamed and cried and was vulnerable af to her, ending the call by sharing: ”I need some time away from the circle to process what happened,” and her saying, “I’ll never let you go.”
Shortly after that, the personal attacks began. I became some sort of villain from that circle and before I knew it, my request for time off turned into “Chaos Grandma accepting my resignation.” The lies didn’t stop there.
I. Was. Crushed.
When I connected with two powerful Boricuas to do another Summit for the Spring Equinox, Chaos Grandma unleashed this:
The Summit she hijacked and now had no control over — due to her actions — must now be destroyed. The two Boricua women, as a result of attacks and antagonizing flying maboyas (neo-Taino word for flying harpies), backed out of organizing the spring Summit and I was left to organize it on my own.
The attacks became more severe — sending personal attacks in private messages while creating and spreading lies about the Summits funding. This was something I passionately advocated for. Organizers receive no monies from the Summit, and all donations are given to the Speakers. Anyone can attend at no cost to them. All of this was flipped on its head and more lies were spread.
The barrage was nonstop for weeks. Finally, the Pequats took over the casino which gave me some space to breathe as another target was in the line of fire for Chaos Grandma to “take down.” Her “take downs” are a well known action she has done to countless people across many years.
My story is just one of many over decades of harm Chaos Grandma still has not been held accountable for. Even from the grandmother’s council she rules over with a swift eraser, exploiting the fear of using what she “knows about you” to discredit you in the Taino community.
Taino Betrayal, one of the things the conquistadors exploited when they landed on Boríken in 1493.
There is a specific methodology of how the conquistadors were able to inflict such harm to our ancestors. These specific tactics were so effective they are still used today by people who lead yukayekes, by grandmothers who demand, not command respect. By well meaning individuals so traumatized by the colonial wound of betrayal, they actually betray for people who give them a choice. Betray for me and be accepted, or don’t betray for me and be excluded.
This methodology of colonialism can be seen in every facet of our society today. When it becomes clear, I trust you will do everything in your power to dismantle these remnants of oppressive systems that are upheld by modern conquistadors whose words are swords and who use their power to harm our relatives rather than to promote healing for our human family.
Don’t get this wrong — the antagonists I speak of in this story are definitely soul sick and this article is not written to turn you against them. Not at all. Like Chaos Grandma says, “go, check it out, but don’t expect to find anything sacred in there.” I absolutely encourage you to go check it out, go find out for yourself, and when you see it, you can’t unsee it. Only then you’ll know these words which might trigger you the first time you read them, will be deeply profound after you experience them for yourself.
The methodology of the conquistadors
1.) In the first meeting and subsequent meetings with Tainos, the conquistadors read a decree called a “requirement.” This legal document (membership form) lends a veneer of validity. It is a request for submission (respect your elders and keep silent even if they harm you or someone you know) that was established before hostility took place.
2.) The second method lives in appeal to higher authority. (caciques/elders). This is where the initial betrayal took place amongst the Spanish with Cortez throwing Velazquez under the bus for rights to govern Cuba. (If I stay in this circle, yukayeke, cultural center, I will get a title, cemi stone, proximity to imagined authority through diminishing, admonishing, and betrayal)
3.) The third method of conquistadors is the acquisition of gold/greed. (501c3 orgs, Taino merchandise $$$, pay to pray ceremonies, membership dues, buy my book- not their book, give money to xyz, pay to be a behike and never a cacique) is still commonly unquestioned and accepted as a part of our culture today.
4.) The fourth method of modern conquistadors in the Taino community is the need for native allies. This one is highly charged with many Taino people who call themselves culture bearers going to pow wows in outfits that are more cosplay than traditional, and taking dances and song rhythms from our Northern Native allies and South American relatives. This is also intertwined with the deeply concerning aspect of Tainos who collect Puerto Rican and non Puerto Rican people on an identity journey, name them a “Taino’’ name, make a feather headdress for them to wear with Hollywood war paint, and a claim to an identity that sidelines actual Taino people from accessing their real culture. Some revered “Taino leaders” actually put photos of their subjects on a website, like it’s a testament to their power to conquer. This colonial wound — the need for native allies — has become protection for those that continue to harm.
5.) The fifth method of the conquistador is the acquisition of a specific native ally — the native interpreter. This is especially egregious as so many Tainos are lost in the diaspora — untethered, lost, displaced, from any real roots. Modern conquistadors act as cultural interpreters feeding lost souls what they think Tainos were like while bypassing who we are today. Modern Conquistadors also act as gatekeepers to “Taino ceremony,” which contain no actual traditional roots. The “Taino” ceremonies taught today are made up within the past few years — “I had a dream of a ceremony” or riffing off of Northern Native ceremonies such as the Cherokee medicine wheel. The “Taino” songs and dances have been created and evolved since the early 1980’s. These gatekeepers of fairy tale ceremonies depend on Taino identity seekers to not to question or challenge the origins of the ceremonies, thereby holding an imagined authority of cultural authenticity. All of which are based on imagination and interpretation, and not any actual cultural continuity.
6.) The sixth aspect of conquistadors is something called “display violence.” When natives don’t submit to conquistadors’ whims or demands, the conquistador is then “justified” to enact “display violence.” The whole first part of this article is an expression of the very real, lived experience of “display violence” by modern conquistadors on native people.
*******Reference- The six methods are from the book “7 Myths of the Spanish Conquest”, written by Matthew Restall — Chapter 1 “A Handful of Adventurers, The Myth of Exceptional Men”
The methods that conquistadors of antiquity and conquistadors of the modern-day can be found in every aspect of our systems, society, and in all practicality is the foundation of how to start a cult.
Betrayal lives in all six methods and is one of the colonial wounds coming forward to be healed, in ways no one could name, put a finger on, or even have the language to describe before today.
It’s always been, “oh that person is like that,” and “just walk away, don’t say anything or you’ll be attacked,” and on and on narratives to protect modern-day conquistadors to continue to “conquer” as they they wear naguas and feathers they didn’t earn.
Wolves in sheeps clothing.
You see, I am not afraid to bring this to our collective awareness. I’ve been excluded, attacked, and experienced a level of betrayal and display violence brought against me from people I loved, and strangers no words can ever describe.
As a result of that my fuerza is strong, and my fire burns deep and hot for helping our Taino community heal from these colonial wounds, so we, as a people, no longer hurt each other with the sharpened genetic swords of our conquistador ancestors.
I’ll wrap this article with this: I have been the betrayer and have been betrayed, and no matter what I have done, I will always be Boriqua. No one can take heritage and ancestry away from me. Or you. Anyone that tries to tell you who you need to be to be accepted, while expecting you to betray on their behalf is not a leader led by healthy values. That’s a cult leader — a modern-day conquistador that must be viewed with the razor sharp lens of honest observation.
Be kind to each other, and keep it real.
#fierceboriqua #TainoleadershipSummit #healing #lifelessons
Editors note:
For those reading this, know this is my personal experience and to share this experience is something that takes courage and time to connect the lessons from such a traumatic event. I most certainly expect an attack to this article by the parties involved or from one of the people they get to do their bidding- it’s how the harm perpetuates. Silence the truth, admonish the person, diminish the trauma, attack attack attack, with a healthy dose of victim and blame. (Display violence) In this article, for clarity, I do not blame, nor do I point fingers. I simply shared a personal experience so people who are on a journey of Taino identity can feel validated in their lived experiences of similar harm. Punto.
